PukkaBDSM

A submissive (often abbreviated to “sub“) is a person of either gender who submits to the will of a dominant, either for limited sexual play or within a longer-term relationship.

To many people, submission is an odd concept. Why would an otherwise intelligent adult voluntarily let someone else be “the boss of them”? Well it may be because submission is not a choice you make, it’s who you are. Submissives come in all shapes and sizes. A powerful international tycoon is just as likely to be a submissive as a shy teenage girl.

Some submissive are able to compartmentalize their lives, appearing to the world as confident and controlling but still managing to have private times when they can abandon that control. For others the need to submit is more powerful and will dictate the kinds of long-term relationships they enter into and the life they lead.

There are those who have a generalized need to be submissive and express this with a succession of inter-changeable partners, and others who only feel the need to be submissive with one special person. For some, submission is limited to sexual play while for others it permeates every aspect of their lives.

In return for granting power to a dominant, a submissive receives the freedom to let the secret inner-self come out to play in safety. Day-to-day concerns and the need to make decisions cease to matter to a submissive once she is totally focused on, and submitting to, the will of a dominant.

In submitting to control like this the submissive can, paradoxically, become free. Clearly a deep surrender of control involves placing a great deal of trust in the dominant and isn’t appropriate for a BDSM session with a relative stranger, where the risks require that the nature of play and its limits should be subject to negotiation first.

In a committed D/s relationship though, a dominant and a submissive have the chance to gradually earn each others trust. Trust is hard-won and easily lost, but it is the living, breathing heart of submission. The more a submissive builds trust with her dominant, the more a unique and exhilarating kind of freedom becomes attainable.

The roles of submissive and dominant demand equal respect. Being a submissive does not make you weak or a doormat. Real submission requires strength and resolve. Some say that within any relationship involving domination and submission, the submissive has the upper hand because she can withdraw at her whim the power enjoyed by the dominant, and indeed that may be true of a very shallow and superficial kind of submission.

It is probably truer to say that successful D/s relationships are always built upon a mutual fulfillment of needs. Domination and submission are the ying and yang of BDSM, the equal and complementary opposites that, through their benign symbiosis, create relationships of terrific strength and vitality. Neither one can live without the other.

Dominance is the exercise of power or influence over others. It can simply be role-play, where one partner is consensually empowered to dominate while the other adopts the part of the submissive for the limited purpose of sexual games. Some people are by nature dominant, needing to be in control in any situation, while others are more naturally submissive, willing to be surrendered to someone else’s control. Most people are a bit of both at various times, depending on their mood and the requirements of work or society.

However in some cases the underlying need to dominate or submit is unusually pronounced, and often such people are drawn to BDSM where the power-exchange of Domination and submission forms the basis of relationships in a way that is more explicit and over than anywhere else in “normal life” and “normal people” relationships. Although the words Dominant and its contraction, Dom can refer to either gender they are most commonly reserved for men while a female dominant would be called a Domme, Domina, or Dominatrix. A person who enjoys playing both roles is called a switch.

Bondage is all about being rendered helpless by restraints. For many people, the knowledge that they are powerless, that someone else can do things with their body and they can’t prevent them, is a very powerful turn-on. For others, the physical sensation of bondage feels erotic.

Tight constriction can create very intense stimulation. Its also a chance to struggle, to let your body lose control and get rid of all of your tensions. It can take the form of elaborate roping with complicated knots, leather straps, handcuffs, spreader bars, or soft silky scarves tied around the hands and feet. The way you can be restrained and rendered helpless is limited only by the imagination of the person tying you up.

Blindfolding and gagging are often used with the bondage to increase the feeling of helplessness. Great fun and a powerful experience, but always remember NEVER leave someone who is tied up and gagged unsupervised, as they might choke. Be careful the restraints aren’t too tight as you can cut off the circulation and do a lot of harm. Be very careful about tying anything around the neck because pressure on the carotid arteries can lead to unconsciousness quickly. Likewise be careful with gags or things tied in the mouth because as well as restricting breathing they can trigger a gag reflex, which could be really unpleasant and dangerous if the submissive can’t get the gag out.

As with other activities in BDSM, always watch your partners reactions and be sensitive to them, adjusting what you’re doing accordingly. Tie silk scarves, bandannas, and similar, loosely because they have a tendency to tighten under tension or when the submissive struggles and if you’re not careful they can become so tight they have to be cut off.

You might want to try a pair of basic ankle and wrist cuffs (in leather, velcro, or whatever) which you can purchase at any good adult toy store. If you want to play with handcuffs, get a good quality pair with a double lock so you can snap them on and lock them in position so they won’t get tighter under pressure. Handcuffs of course are bare metal and struggling against them can easily pinch nerves and cause chafing. Proper padded, buckled, bondage cuffs are much better for erotic games.

Discipline, in this context, means training your submissive to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience. The right of a Dominant to discipline his submissive is a fundamental and accepted part of many D/s relationships. The discipline may be physical (spanking or caning for example) or it could involve withdrawal of privileges or possibly being set unpleasant tasks. Whatever form it takes, discipline should be administered in a firm but loving way and it should never involve or imply the loss of the dominants love, affection or commitment because that is always likely to have a negative effect upon the submissive. Discipline was one of the “D” words subsumed into the umbrella term of BDSM.

The term BDSM is an abbreviation derived from the terms Bondage, Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. It defines a spectrum of behaviors, including dominance, submission, punishment, masochism, bondage, role play, and a large variety of other activities, frequently sexual in nature. BDSM is the collective term for a group of related sexual preferences common in issue-related literature, which sometimes are referred as D/s, Sadomasochism, or S&M.

BDSM can also be referred to as kinky sex, power exchange or the lifestyle, but each of these risks being confused with other alternative relationships or sexual behavior. Functionally, it is a form of ‘power play‘, where power dynamics are used as part of the erotic experience. As such, BDSM mainly involves at least two participants, these being the “Top” who is the dominant partner in the relationship and the “Bottom” who is the submissive.

BDSM tends to involve “scenes” where the party enjoys a scenario, which normally tends to involve one of the party voluntarily giving up control or authority. BDSM practitioners make a clear distinction between consensual BDSM and sexual abuse; it is important that the process is voluntary and that whoever is giving up control is willing to perform what tasks are asked of them. Pre-arranged words or signals that can be used by a submissive in BDSM play to slow down or stop the action. This is illustrated in the expression “Safe, sane and consensual“, which means that the participants are aware of the dangerous nature of what they are doing, that what they are doing is sensible and in a right frame of mind, and that full informed consent has been given by everyone. A similar term used is “Risk-aware consensual kink” (RACK), although this practice expands the range of things that can be performed.

WHY PUKKA BDSM?
PUKKA is an adjective that means: 1. Authentic; genuine. 2. Good of its kind; first-class.
BDSM is an Acronym that means: Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism

What will you find here?
Here you will find some Tutorials and Hints, as well as The Fundamentals of BDSM, The Aspects of BDSM (Bondage/Discipline, Domination/Submission, Sadomasochism), and a lot more info about how to get into the “BDSM GAME“.